spaceD

Everyday is a different day.

My thoughts can be alarming.

Everyday I wakeup, if there was no regime

I would be lost. the rest days lost.

I smoke the marijuana, my day goes nothing.

I feel the urge, I feel the need, but I never accomplish,,, anything.

I get things done! but not the true! true calling?

I settle for less, everyday with my calling.

Everyday thought, and everyday felt, everyday written down, and everyday none done

Blank space inside of me, everyday I forget

Reset to the calling, reset, where am I going ?

Sitting here thinking, the marijuana makes me fade

drifts into space, blank mind, no thoughts, no calling.

What am I doing? where am I going? what am I doing? what am I doing?

So hard to change the patterns, keep going, keep going, but for the calling..

keep calling, keep calling, please,,, keep calling…

help me, help me, help me, help me make my calling.

inside of me? its the calling, calling, calling me

Inside me the love I have, the care the joy the peace the love , the truth

all names of love and truth in you

everyday is a different day, a different strength, a different set. I need to fill that space.

I need to feel I need to heal. the marijuana makes me drift away

 

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FAMILY !

What is it to you ?? Do we feel family is important? Do we feel family is what we need, ALWAYS?? I know for a fact I need my family, I love them so much there’s nothing  wouldn’t do for them. my heart is filled with them. even though we may fight or disagree and be mean to each other at times I hope we always still remain family not just by blood but also in our hearts. it hurts because I have lost a lot of close family to me. my grand parents both from my mom and dads side besides my grandpa from my dads side and I haven’t met him since I was in elementary. that’s ok though . I understand and know that everything was done the way it had to be. now that I am older I take responsibility and reach out to him myself. I miss my nina and crazy uncle that always teases me that I am fat (lol) once I dies my hair blonde and he told me I looked like a lemai. its like a fruit or veggie from where I was born I believe. most of all my grams and pops of my mom. they raised me since birth. they taught me what I know now . I MISS THEM SO MUCH 😥 IT HURTS though I know they are in a better place now. I just wish I can hear them laughing and hear my grams threatening my pops to punch him in his face. she was a crazy lady. but she also had a heart of gold. she always helped EVERYONE even strangers! everyone would go to her including me. I wish I can speak to them. I need to ask them for forgiveness. I never should have left there side. sometimes I feel so sad at myself for that. being a kid you have no worries in the world. we think everything is rainbows and butterflies until we meet the real world. now all my grandparents lessons keep coming in my head. I would always want to go hang out with my friends and do fun stuff and my grams would never let me but she always let my older brother out. she always use that your a girl! what if your with all your friends which are girls and a man comes by you guys and hes drunk and tries to hurt you guys what will you do. its not safe. what of terrorist come. you know where’s the first place they’ll attack she asked? then said them mall and movie theaters which is always where I wanted to be in middle school. she asked do you know why? (silence) she said because that’s where there is a lot of people and they are aiming to hit where there is hundreds of people. she said ill take you and we can walk in he mall and catch a movie… I would cry and cry and cry. I would just want to hang with my friends. today? ha! I WOULD RATHER BE A LONER AND HAVE HER AS MY ONLY FRIEND! I understand now all the things she would lecture me on or give me a hard time on because now I see that reality is a mother! and my pops ohhh my goofy pops always clowning on my grams. I remember he kept teasing her about going on the road all day cause we would visit one of my aunts which was her sister and we were about to leave and he kept teasing her and she had a 6 pack of diet pepsi that was the closest to her grabbed it ran out her truck and literally chased my grandpa all over the yard and around the house throwing him the full can of diet pepsi . omg me and my brother were cracking up like damn look at grams go! she can run. haha. he would always tel me I know you smoke cigarettes when I was I high chill. he told me “I rather have you smoke in front of me than behind me cause you might burn my back”. 😀 that will live with me forever! but with me even if they knew I would still try to do it away from them for the respect even though that’s not so respectful smoking already. my grams would tell him you don’t like her you just like your boy (my bro) he always said “your crazy” she’s tough! and i want her to be tough so I got to be tough its the only way. she tells him but you don’t show her love he says she don’t need love, love will get her hurt and then I will hurt love, ai adai my pops he was such a hard working loyal man he always supported his family! great fisher man too I always hear! I miss you both! I miss my family. when I was a kid. we would always have gatherings at my grandparents house. everyone would come aunts uncles cousin everyone. the adults would be laughing bbq’ing dancing and having a good time. the kids would be running like wild gooses playing games having a blast. everyone would be enjoying themselves. now my family is just… distant I can say. not that we are all in different places but just through our hearts. to much grudges or misunderstandings or stuborness or a bit of everything. I know people fight but I just wish with us we wouldn’t prolong it and make it forever. I hope we all learn to forgive before its too late. breaks my heart to see the generation now a days disrespecting there elders that are strangers let alone there parents or grand parents or aunts and uncles just cause there being “rough” on them! its a cold cold world out there people and the last thing you can be is SOFT! the world will eat you up and spit you back out…. TAKE ALL THE LESSONS YOU CAN GET not necessarily from school because I believe our education has been disrupted by our government but from people who have LIFE LESSONS! “in school they teach you a lesson then give u a test, in life it gives you a test then that teaches you a lesson”! cant say much about it thought because we got babies making babies now! sad to say. I hope for change & peace. I pray for all…..

TODAYS TOPIC

Good morning fellow Bloggers ! even if I have no followers cause Im new, lol.
I sent a link to all my friends and fam and hopefully they take a look.
Todays topic I would like to talk about what you believe in ?? please feel free to comment believe and tell me what you believe in and why?